Still in that four sided wall.

(Found this photo in the other lappy.)

Aiyah, just let me say what i want to say in this post. I just don't feel good now.

Retail therapy with my mum just now. Tongseng for lunch, pizza hut for dinner. It was awesome, though not much buys. But, dinner..was the cause of my problem.

Nothing ever changes your mind, do they ? No reason would ever
open up your heart, would they ?

We all need love. Not only parental love and love from our family and friends. We all need someone. That someone whom will love us unconditionally, like a soulmate.

But you would prefer me to not get serious and just be friends. You think it's alright being just friends. No dating, no boyfriend-girlfriend, no getting all serious. I guess you heard me wrong. You think that we just like-like each other. Ur, then i think im so dead. I didn't feel like telling the truth all of a sudden. Cos you already interpretted the wrong idea. If i say more, you'll only say nonono and i'll probably receive a slap or two. Harhar. But it did took me alotttt of courage to tell you a little about my not-so-secret lovelife though.

What's wrong with being young and in love ?
'' Don't say ily ily to others. ''
'' Just be friend-friend. You'll grow up, finish poly, work and who knows..you might find the right one. Cos now, before everything. The sky is always blue. The grass is always green. Yknow.. But after you get together, you found out that he's very hot tempered, he abuses you. That's why i dont want you all to get serious and have boyfriend-girlfriend all that. ''

So she told me about the guy who was quarrelling with the girlfriend like yeaaars ago, and he slapped her. She could have really felt that impact although it was not her. Since she remembered it.
But 11 and i are always smacking each other. Couldn't say that to her. Duh ! She'll think we're both being abused or something. Hahah. And yeah, no touchy-touchy or being intimate.

So after that, i kept all quiet and so did she. The train ride home was fcuked. I kept staring out into the windows and that's when one would think back and just think real hard. Those words just kept ringing through my head.

I don't think i'll ever be happy. I don't think i'll ever get married. I planned to get married by 25, hopefully. But she said something which broke my heart.. and i dont know why, '' Don't think that way ! It might never work out the way you wanted. '' Wahpiangszx, traumatized.

By the thought of it all, i did teared a little, just enough to blink them away. ]':

Then, the bus ride back was quite a torture. Every TVM's quote seems to be about love ! Well, mostly.
'' Life is Love. Love is Life. ''
'' A happy heart makes a cheerful face. ''
I was sulking real bad, so my heart must be damn sad. *heart deforming.

Got home, mum turned on the tv. Eli(?) montel was on. And the 2nd sentence they said was..
'' Everybody must eat healthily (Or something), then love will come easily. ''

I'm trying not to cry too much over this. Cos if i ever do.. i'll have to cry till i get married.

Aren't we suppose to learn from experiences ?

HAIYAH, Im not despo for fcuk's sake. IM JUST FCUKING DEPRESSED LAH.
BYE LAH.